Permanent Fantasies

I have to rip out my tongue 
yet I would still be able to write
what I don't mean to say

How do I manage to make temporary feelings 
forever consequences

I can't take back what I said
I can't bring emotions back
I can't be 
Permanent is what I did when I said.
Permanent is how you're going to talk to me
Not like in the beginning.

I have to change who I am
but then I would still live the same way 
making the identical choices.

Because I am incapable of learning from my mistakes.
Same arguments
Inadequate, Replaceable
You will never leave.

I have to say 
what is on my mind
how I feel
Don't take me so seriously.
Then you will think
did you ever love me
and that is why
my temporary feelings 
always ruin 
my beautiful fantasies   

Can you accept this apology?

You are not pressuring me
You have to tell me what's wrong
It's up to me, to learn and show you
that I care about you and your feelings
You are not complaining 
You are sharing, what is bothering you
I have to stop taking advantage of your kindness
I need to learn that I am enough 
I have to stop making excuses
I have to stop thinking about you
Think about how you feel
I am sorry 

 You matter to me
I never want us 
to be apart 

Will you please continue to accept me
when I make it hard.

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