Welp,

I need to figure this out. I can’t keep masturbating everyday. I need to do stuff. What can I even do? What is it that I am supposed to do?

PSST, PSST.

What is that noise? Sigh. I need to figure out how to make money. Should I sell my semen?

Hi. I’m here to sell my cum.

Sorry. We only accept donations from males that are over six feet tall.

Welp. That plan failed. What else can I do? Should I sell my blood?

Hi. I’m here to sell my blood.

Sorry. We won’t be able to accept your blood, as we found traces of THC. You can come back after a month.

Welp. That was a waste of time. What else can I do?

Hey dude, you want some money.

Yes. What do I have to do?

Great. I need you to take this box to this address here.

Alright. How much am I going to get paid?

They’ll pay you when you deliver the package.

234 Pepple St… Hello. I have a package here.

Who are you? What is this?

Some guy told me to deliver this box to this address.

[The guy opens the box in front of me]

AH.

[The box contains a served hand]

Oh my god.

I’m guessing, I’m not going to be paid.

Welp. I have done everything and I’m still broke.

PSST. PSST.

There’s that noise again.

I know you can hear me.

Who are you?

I’m your voice of reason.

AND?

Get a job, you bum.

I don’t want to work at a job. That’s so lame. It’s too regular.

Welp, I tired.

It has been a year and I still haven’t done anything. I scheduled interviews and I didn’t go to any. The thought of actually working sickens me. Sitting in the room, with someone who thinks they’re better than me. I can’t do it. I want to wash away that thought in my head. I want the job but I can’t. I should be working smarter not harder, why am I going to slave for some one else.

The same reason, you are here broke asking homeless people for a bite of their food. Too prideful to work at McDonald’s but not too prideful to eat a pizza off the floor. Make it make sense to me.

Why can’t my voice of reason be more assertive?

Welp, have fun with your bum life.