A story of Alyona & Andrei

He beats up dogs and she burns down houses. Do I need say more?

Two crazy people have finally met each other. Dear God why?

How will the world survive?





Can I be the one to tell the story of the psycho that I fell in love with?


She saw me eating a pizza off the floor and that’s when she knew; I was down for anything, there was nothing ever off the table. She befriended me right after and soon we were on our first date.

We went to an abandoned mental asylum. The floor was littered with broken medicine bottles. Each room was filled with rustic hospital beds covered in dried blood. I could’t picture a more romantic place for us.

For her birthday, I gave her a stuffed teddy bear. She took out a knife and sliced a leg off. She said “now its perfect”. That’s when I knew she was a psycho. Even so; I could have never pictured us driving to an abandoned warehouse so we can burn it down. I love her because I never thought that anyone could ever match my crazy.

Wait… No! That wasn’t the first time I saw you.

Then, when was it?

OK. This is the story of how I met Andrei.

I saw Andrei petting some guy’s dog and then: somehow, and I still don’t know how he did it. He took the man’s wallet without him noticing. I watched him as he gleefully strolled down the block. I thought on what I should I do, so I kept on following him.

Oh. I remember this now…

Then you grabbed some pizza off the floor, that some kid dropped. You played it off as if you were going to throw it out but instead you ate it. Totally gross. I was 100% sure, that you were nasty. I also knew that you did what you wanted. You were perfect for me, Andrei.

You’re perfect to me, Alyona.

You ready to burn some buildings? I already got the gasoline in the car.

This is their love story.

Andrei loves to fuck random strangers. He loves going out and falling in love with random people and not just females. Andrei has always said that, if a nice tall cute guy came his way, he wouldn't mind taking it up his butt.
What the fuck are you saying? I have never said this in my life. 
But Andrei, this is true though.
No, it is not. 

Sureee, Andrei.
Well, then this is Alyona. She loves to get drunk and kiss her friends so they won't think that she's gay for them. 
Andrei, I can't believe you would tell that to the public. 
But Alyona, its true though.

Fine. Whatever I guess, we won’t tell our story.

But I want too.

Okay. Can we agree, not to say anything that we don’t want other people to know about?


What about our first time having sex ?


I think that’s okay to share.

Alright so, I will tell the story.

We fucked each other the first time we ever met. It was magical. For me, at least.

It was for me too.

Lies. You said, that you wished we didn’t.


Basically, me and Alyona were talking on the phone and she asked if she could come over. I told her, yes of course but I didn’t think she ever would. Then, she actually did. Alyona looked so cute in her pajamas and furry slippers.

Her strawberry blonde hair was in a messy bun and she laid in a sexy pose on my bed. She looked liked a bunny: ah so adorable. It was snowing outside too. The vibes were perfect.

We watched a movie and talked. Holding each other hands, whispering in each other ears. Our faces were gravitating to each other and there was no space separating our lips. I’ll never forget it. I was scared to kiss her. When we finally touched lips, we laughed and the rest is history.

LOL. I remember that.

Then you said my lips were soft…


Uh. I don’t know if i want to share the rest of the story now.


I don’t know. I feel like we should keep it between us.

Let’s tell a different story.

Hmm. Okay, give me some time to think of a better story about us.

No worries love, I’ll wait. Can you pass the lighter now.

Here you go, my heart.

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