Stare into the Sun

I keep lying.

I lie to myself. Hitler said, “if you keep lying eventually it will be your truth.” I lie a lot and, yet it doesn’t feel real to me. I lie to myself; to keep me from falling into the pits of my mind.

I keep lying.

I lie to everyone. One lie won’t hurt. A lie about myself won’t affect anyone. I lie to everyone. I wonder, why I can’t find a person to be my friend.

I keep lying.

I tried to tell the truth and be honest. I genuinely try but the outcome always comes out worst. Telling the truth doesn’t work for me. I have to hold back and be quiet.

I keep lying.

I want to talk. I want to be friendly. I want to be kind. I want to have a positive impact in this world. This is not a lie.

I keep lying.

I can never tell the truth. There is no hope for me if I go in that direction. The wilting flower inside of me, will finally die if I did.

No, I have to keep on lying.

I might as well stare into the sun and make myself go blind.

I’m tired of seeing the reality I created with my lies.

Help me, tell the truth. Please don’t make me stare into the sun.

I promise I truly want to change.

I’m sorry; that I keep on lying. I’m starting to think that it would be better if I just made myself go blind.