We never saw each other. We never got to hold each other with our arms. We never had to fight to get into the bathroom first. I can name all of the things in the world that we haven’t done because I haven’t gone out of my way to see you. I miss the way you would always tell me that you love me. I miss the way that you always cared for me even when I didn’t. I can make a larger list of the things that I appreciate you for.
My Cassie, I love your new name Cassie. Not that I didn’t like the one before but I think this one definitely suits you better. My Cassie, it has been so long since you left. This is what I think you do everyday.
In the morning, you get up and say “I need to do some grocery shopping”. You go to the supermarket and you help some old ladies with their bags. You bring in some good karma for yourself and I. This is where I get a chill down my spine knowing you did a good deed. I laugh because I think it’s funny that you’re so nice. You walk around looking for your precious vegetables and I walk around looking for another way to spend my time.
In the afternoon, you bring back your vegetables back home and get ready for work. I can feel your dread and I try to cheer ourselves up by watching some funny videos. It doesn’t help. I don’t see, hear or feel anything that you do anymore because your energy is solely focused on your work. I become lonely and childish, deprived of your affection, I start to act out. There has to be someway I can grab your attention again.
By the evening, I am full on depressed without the will to go on. No hugs has led me to become corrupted by the world’s evils. Tunnel vision to all that evil has for me. You get off at work and think of me for a second. This second dulls the evil treasure’s glitter and I snap back to you. I send you some of my thoughts and you repay me with a shower of loving connections. I smile. You smile.
End of the day now, we’re both finally in bed. We look around our room. We take a look at the moon. We close our eyes. We go to sleep. Most days nothing happens. Some days, we appear in each other dreams. However in rare cases, we live our lives together and we share our passions for one night. I fall in love with you again and you kiss me. Our world is finally together again.
Then we wake up together at the same time, wishing we could tell each other the dream we had.
Miss you Cassie.