The Dunkin’ Chronicles

This one time, I was working and I was wondering how i could make more money. Then some guy who came regularly ordered his usual, he would always give me exact change and I decided not to charge him this time. I gave him his usual coffee but he still gave me the money. He put it in my tip jar and that is when I came up with the brilliant idea of committing grand larceny.

My plan was to get all the drug dealers I know to come and buy a Dunkin Donuts franchise. After that, I would oversea the daily operations and do the proper accounting for the business. The plan was simple, we would run the Dunkin Donuts normally but we would use the drug money as tips and to inflate sales. We would also invite workers to steal from the registers as a way to give back. It was fool proof.

One year passed and we were making money like never before until that faithful day. Someone from the IRS came to do an audit, which in itself wouldn’t be a big deal because we knew this could happen. The problem was one of the IRS agents had came in earlier and lost his wallet. I took the wallet and it’s belongings. I threw away the evidence of course but cameras. The IRS agent became even more suspicious of not only me but our sales as well. My boss realized that he couldn’t keep around anymore since I was a liability at this point. He offered me $80,000 as compensation for all the work I did for him.

Not a bad deal. The Dunkin is still open to this day committing money laundering and fraud everyday. I blew threw all the money but I still get free ice cream for life.

So if you ever want to make money, work/own a Dunkin Donuts.

*note this cannot be used as evidence in court due to the fictitious nature of literature.

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